05.10.10

V is for Violets: The Epic Parent Fail

I picked up my son from pre-school recently and when we got home it was routine as usual; he took off his shoes, went potty, washed his hands and got ready for an afternoon snack while I unloaded the backpack.

I like to be the one unloading the backpack because it gives me a chance to sort through the parent notices, clean out his lunch bag and organize the work folder. You see, my son is four years-old and he brings home 9,000 pieces of art, colored papers and worksheets and it ALL comes home. If I kept every single slice of work he’s ever created my refrigerator door would not even be able to open. So I came up with a little organization technique that I like to call The Swap: When I hang up a “new” piece of work one comes down and ultimately lands in the garbage (without him seeing of course) which is my way of keeping this kind of clutter under control.

However, on this recent de-clutter fest I made an epic mistake. As I was sifting through his work folder {routine as usual} I grabbed a piece of work and quickly placed in the trash. Since I was about to throw the entire trash bag out, I knew my son wouldn’t see it but I was soon distracted by my daughter and forgot about it…

Before I knew it my son went to throw out the wrapper from his snack and that’s when he saw V is for Violets sitting beneath some wet chicken and rice.

And then the tears came.

“But I can’t ever make it again. I made it for you Mommy and now it’s ruined,” he muttered as he continued to cry.

My heart was broken. Words can’t express how I felt at that moment as I watched my four year-old crushed by the revelation that his mommy just trashed his beautiful art work. Obviously my son was really upset so I tried to explain that mommy made a grave mistake and that it would not happen again. I tried to divert his attention to the other 8,999 pieces of art hanging up on the fridge that we could admire…

“No, I picked it for you because I told my teacher that purple is your favorite color and now it’s ruined.” {I may be blonde, but I still wasn’t making the FULL connection here to this specific piece of work}

“What do you mean you picked it for me?”

My son ran into our mud room and grabbed a plant from the bottom of a bag. He said, “This is for you Mommy…for Mommy’s Day.”

Now it began to make sense. The V is for Violets artwork went along with my Mother’s Day plant that he picked out at school all by himself knowing it was my favorite color.

Epic fail.

I reached into the garbage and wiped the chicken and rice off the top of the construction paper and told my son that it was the best piece of art work he’s ever done, especially for me – and that I love it and I love him to pieces. I kissed his forehead, wiped away his tears and told him how sorry mommy was and from that moment forward anything that is super special will go into a “super special folder” and anything that gets thrown out would have to meet his approval first. With tons more kisses and hugs, he seemed to like that plan.

So now?

I gladly hide the side of my fridge with 9,001 pieces of art because I never want to make that kind of mistake again.

Because V is for Violets and L is for a Lesson Learned.

{ 128 Comments }
05.7.10

Featured TMC Blogger: Coffees and Commutes

TMC welcomes Christine, author of the blog Coffees and Commutes. Christine joined TMC right at its inception and has been such a huge supporter of Theta Mom! Ever since she has found TMC we have been blogging together and I really enjoy her posts because they range from all kinds of topics – including those about being a working mom or simply the role of motherhood itself. Here is how she describes her blog in her own words:

“I’m Christine. I’m a full-time communications professional and mom to two boys trying to balance career, parenthood, marriage, and a sense of self. I love all four but struggle because they compete with one another. Can’t we all just get along?

Coffees & Commutes is where I write whatever is on my mind. It’s constantly evolving, changing and growing as I change and grow. There is no specific formula. Sometimes I write about self-discovery and my inspirations and other times about being a mother and surviving life with children. It’s a place for me to discuss my thoughts and observations on all parts of my life, though I admit my children tend to dominate. Some call it navel gazing, I call it soul searching. Either way, it helps me get by. That and a Starbucks thrown in as often as possible for good measure!

When I first started blogging two years ago I had no purpose, no idea what I wanted my space to be. I was curious, but hesitant and unsure. I wrote random posts about everyday experiences. They weren’t a reflection of my real self. They were more a series of stories, safe and under-explored. Fast forward more than a year to when I found my writing voice. Now with every post I write I uncover a better understanding of myself and make connections that make a difference in my life. This is what it’s meant to be, a place to find meaning and comfort through the sharing of words, experiences and life lessons. It’s a rich opportunity, one that has become an integral part of who I am.

I hope you’ll stop by and offer your own perspective when you visit. I learn from, and am often inspired by, everyone who does.”

So be sure to show Christine some love on the blog and follow her on Twitter!

{ 12 Comments }
05.7.10

Sex and The City Meets Motherhood

I am the Guest Blogger over at BonBon Rose Girls so I would love for you to check it out! I shared one of my all time favorite posts – it’s very Sex and the City Meets Motherhood – a perfect fit for the BonBon Rose Girls!

And if you are a new visitor to Theta Mom, welcome! I would especially love for you to check out Theta Mom Community a space designed to network with other bloggers in your niche. It’s a great way to meet new bloggers and build your readership – and we LOVE new members!

And once again for those Theta Moms reading – wishing you a wonderful, well deserved Mother’s Day!!!

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05.6.10

On True Beauty: A Wish for My Daughter

When I saw this story aired on television recently I have to admit I was a bit taken back…

Image Credit

Tara Conner, the former Miss USA, is now speaking publicly about her path of drug addiction and self-destructive behavior. Tara recently shared that at one point she was popping thirty pills a day to mask the pain of her own depression. She even admitted to cutting her body as she said it was a way for her to “control” the pain. She’s been quoted saying, “I never really had my own identity with anything because the longer I used drugs my authentic self just continued to drop down.” She has since come to learn that through the recovery process, “Even if you don’t love yourself at all, other people do love you.” She says she’s working on loving herself now.

As I was watching Tara share her story all I could do was think – what if this was my daughter? Here is this gorgeous woman who has been “beautiful” all of her life but all the while she was literally dying inside. From one looking in from the outside, you would think that she was a confident, self-assured woman and one who loves herself. Apparently, this could not have been further from the truth.

She has openly admitted to being high throughout most of the pageants she was competing in just to get her through the day. She was even using at the time of her appearance in Miss USA. She explained how she would put on this charming, happy face as this other “persona” allowed her to forget who she really was for the moment. All she wanted to do was numb the pain and forget about the lie that she was living. How could someone so “beautiful” appearing to have so much going for her be so down and emotionally distraught on the inside?

I’m not Dr. Phil and I am not writing this post to analyze her life. We all have baggage and problems that we need to work through and she is certainly trying to put the pieces of her life back together and I admire her for coming clean. But the reason I want to address this is because it just reinforces the fact that the media sometimes makes it so damn hard to be a female. Girls are influenced at such a very young age and Tara Conner is certainly an example of that; not even the beauty queen wearing the crown is who you really think she is – for her, that beautiful image was all just an external world in which she created and controlled pretty well but to all the young girls watching, they didn’t see the reality of the lie that she was living. All they saw was a “beautiful” girl, a big smile and that stunning crown…

And then I think of Heidi Montag. Why the hell did this young woman perform ten plastic surgeries at the age of 23? To advance in her so-called career? For fame and media attention? Is she insecure and not content with herself especially being under the influence and microscope of the Hollywood spotlight? I would bet to say all of the above. The bottom line is somehow, somewhere along the way she clearly has some inner emotional issues to address because this is just not normal. Another case of a “beautiful” woman who really does even know what true beauty is.

This is exactly why I absolutely love Dove and The Campaign for Real Beauty designed to enrich the lives of young women everywhere with self-esteem programs. THIS is the message we should be sending our daughters and THAT is essentially what I want for my own.

I want my daughter to love and appreciate every ounce of her body. I want her to respect herself and grow to become a confident, self-assured and well articulated woman of the world.

I don’t want her to be insecure about any “inadequacies” even though I know this may be a struggle. We have to stop this negative talk and redefine what true beauty is. Although I don’t have the perfect body, I’ve come a long way of loving it after having two babies and working through those issues. More than anything, I want my daughter to love herself for every single beautiful thing she is. I want her to appreciate what she offers the world and relish in the fact that she is special because she IS a beautiful human being.

I love her more than she’ll ever know but the one wish I have for my daughter is for her to love herself; the beautiful person she is right now as well as the beautiful person she will become.

I also want to wish each and every mother reading my blog right now a wonderful Mother’s Day because although our work is never done, this is our special day to celebrate the beautiful lives we have been blessed with. I am so grateful for the time you take to read and comment on my blog, so thank you for being such an integral part of this journey with me…

So here’s to a fabulous and well deserved Mother’s Day Theta Moms – and here’s to our daughters finding true beauty within themselves.

{ 96 Comments }
05.4.10

Are We Women or Mothers First?

The following article was co-written by myself and the amazing JennyMac. This was the first time I have ever co-written a blog post and I am so proud of the way it turned out. Everyone knows how much I admire JennyMac…

Recently, we read an article about women and motherhood. One interesting comment included in the reader feedback was that once we become mothers, our children come first before everything else.

As mothers, we had some interesting dialogue about this exact sentiment. Within our social circles are women who are mothers and women who are not. Amongst our “mom” circles, our friends and colleagues are not simply “stay at home moms” or “working moms.” We know we are all working moms.  We are either moms who work inside the home or moms who work inside and outside the home.

 If you have not stayed home all day with children planning meals, learning, playtime, exercise (for hopes of naptime) and teaching words, songs, states and manners, we can assure you it does not fit into a one hour shell and the rest of the time your kiddos do not take care of themselves while you blog on your computer in between Days of our Lives and your 30 Day Shred. And if you spend most of your daylight hours working outside the home, you come home and in the small space of time before bedtime, you need to incorporate as many of the above items in between checking your Blackberry and deciding who is making dinner. We know. We have both been moms who work at home and moms who work both inside and outside the home.

And with all of the goals we create for ourselves as moms, where do our personal priorities fall once we add “Parent” to our resume? Should our children always come before ourselves? Do we stop dreaming just because we have children? Or do we dream but not act on those dreams?

We admire women that chase after a dream such as starting their own business or establishing themselves as entrepreneurs all in the midst of raising a family. Would it be fair to judge these women who clearly have paved a path for themselves? Are women who climb the corporate ladder and really establish themselves in their career doing that in exchange of or in addition to being a ‘good’ mom?

As long as these women are clearly present in their children’s lives and raise happy, healthy kids – why should it matter?

Theta Mom shares this: A dear friend of mine is the principal of an elementary school. Her dream was to become an administrator and now she is living that dream while raising three kids. My sister-in law is another perfect example of a woman who established herself in her position while balancing the demands of raising a family. She has climbed the corporate ladder and worked extremely hard to get where she is. She’s earned it, she deserves it and if you ask her children they wouldn’t want it any other way. 

JennyMac shares this: While in college, my mom opened her own business which grew into an incredibly successful company. Watching her in action provided several great lessons that are still part of my business acumen today.  And she still made the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever eaten. To me, it was proof that I could execute both roles, and do them well if that was what I chose.

And every day, many high profile female lawyers, doctors, all well educated and trained women leave it all behind to raise their children.  This is a conscious decision made by these women and the reasons for staying home clearly outweigh the reasons for pursuing their careers for them. It takes a lot of guts to leave a high paying job with fabulous opportunities behind as well as all of the hard work, time, money and education that went into achieving these positions. And we know women who are simply putting a hold on some of their pursuits while they stay home right now. Several friends have gone back to work and continued their career choices once their kids started school. It is all about making it work for you and your family. But how do you decide?

Theta Mom shares this: I don’t care whether you work outside the home, are a WAHM or a SAHM, I don’t think anyone has it any easier. There are positives and negatives to each of these roles. I worked full-time beginning when my son was 11 months-old with a 3 hour commute and it was brutal getting out in the morning with my infant boy, commuting, working a full day and then trying to find a way to spend some quality family time as well as get everything done. For me, I was unable to keep up with this lifestyle. I’m truly blessed to have found a way to use my graduate degree and work from home, still pursuing my passion while raising my children. But that doesn’t mean women who choose to work outside the home should be looked upon as any less of a mom or as a mom that it too into herself or her career – some women HAVE to work in order to put food on the table and I am certainly one of them. 

JennyMac shares this: I took a year off when we had MiniMac.  I left a high profile attorney position with a Fortune 15 company. I dedicated that year off of the corporate treadmill to learning to be a mom. And I loved it. But after one year, I wanted to reengage in the corporate sector. And I am glad I returned. For me, working is a great way to continue to hone my skills, pursue my interests, and my free time outside of work is focused on self growth, my family, and my dreams. And I do have dreams. What kind of example would I be if I didn’t? And they are not just gauzy dreams as I watch clouds float by. My dreams are things I am pursuing every day.

But we both know this: Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Period.  

And we are just two examples that your road to success and happiness and being a great role model for your children are not separate forks. We think we should continue to dream big and do what works for us as individuals AND mothers – isn’t this the message we want to send to our children, especially our daughters? This is comprised of what we learned as children and what we continue to learn as women and parents.

But we know it is a full time balancing act. We want to raise smart, well defined, kind, ambitious young people and we are the first examples of this our children will see.  How do all of us find the balance between self and parent?  And how do we answer the question: Are we women or mothers first?

{ 103 Comments }
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