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I waddled down the long hallway still carrying my son and what seemed to be all of his belongings. I reached his room and one of the care givers smiled at me and put her arms out toward us. “Welcome.” This was a defining moment for me. We locked eyes and I took a deep breath. She replied, “Don’t worry. It will be ok.” After a few moments, I handed her my son and placed him in her arms. Nobody told me it was going to be this hard.
To keep myself busy, I went toward the back of the room and aimlessly searched for his cubby. Once I found it, I soon packed his little cubicle with all of his favorite things including Sweet Potato Puffs and Cheerios. I made sure his little area was organized and clean. I placed a photo of my husband and I directly on top. This day-care was about to be my son’s new home every day, and the reality of that was hitting me hard. I soon hung up his jacket and properly aligned his comfy socks. I stepped back toward the front of the room and knew the time had come. I would have to say good-bye.
This is the kind of love only a mother would understand. It’s the kind of love you have for your own child that is irreplaceable and cannot be described in words. Leaving him at day-care for the first time was one of the most difficult things I ever experienced. I knew I had to let go, but every cell in my body was telling me otherwise. Eventually, I mustered up the courage and got out the words, “I love you sweetie. Mommy will be back real soon.” My heart was breaking. Nobody told me it was going to be this hard.
As I started to walk out the door, he cried. He cried harder and harder. His cries quickly turned to screams and before I could even turn around, the Director of the day-care grabbed my hand. “He’s going to be fine, Heather. It will just take some time. Don’t go back in there, it will only make it harder for the both of you.” My mind was racing and my hands were shaking. All I could think of was that my son wanted me, the only person he’s ever known to spend every waking hour, minute, and moment with. He needed me, my hugs and kisses, even my breath.
“Go. Now. Call us in a bit, please don’t worry,” she said.
“Heather, would you like some jellybeans?” she asked. “Or some candy? I have some in my desk.”
Jellybeans? Was she serious?
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
That sounds hard. I bet he was okay though! And I bet you called the day care to check!!
I found it hard putting my daughter in pre-school at 2 and half. She cried and cried. I wondered if it was harder because she was older and more aware that I was going away for a bit.
It was a good post. You should include it in Amber's Carnival of Maternity leave http://www.strocel.com/announcing-thecarnival-of-maternity-leave/
Thanks for that idea/link Capital Mom! I think I will enter this post.
That really does sound hard. I think I would cry if I had to take Brittany to day care! In just a few short Minutes I will have another award up for you! It's a fun one!
Ugh. That made me ache… Thank you for sharing
You have a great writing style. I'm enjoying reading your posts. THanks for the follow. I'm following you back. (Under 100 club)
I was wondering what happened to your Jellybeans post! I'm glad you posted it back. While it makes me sad, it's a pain all mothers can relate to.
Okay, this one made my eyes tear up. I hate when I have to be away from my kiddos for even the smallest amount of time. You write so beautifully! Great post.
I hope it got easier for you 
Your so brave.. I don't think I can ever return back to work!
Just the thought of missing my sons milestones makes me want to reach for the tissues!
I had tears in my eyes after reading your post. I'll be going through that in September. I am a WAHM but I have a babysitter who watches the boys while I work. So they are around me during the day. My babysitter is going to have her own baby very soon. My 5 year old starts full-day 1st grade. So I decided to put my 3 year old in full day preschool/daycare this fall. It is going to be really sad.
Oh, this tugged at my heart and gave me a lump in my throat!
I remember reading this post!
Still tugs ar my heart strings..any Mommy who has done this..gets it:)
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love your post, you nailed it.
I can totally relate!! That sounds just like me the first time I dropped off my son at daycare. It was the worst feeling in the world. But seriously – jellybeans?????? how could that make you feel better?
I can so relate to what you wrote here. I totally teared up thinking about similar moments in my own life with my kids, especially knowing that this is where we are headed in a a few weeks.
You have a wonderful, heart-felt blog. Thank you.
I know this experience all to well. It is one of the hardest things ever. You brough tears to my eyes as I thought back to the day I did the same thing. Very well written,
Gut-wrenching! I think it is harder on Moms because there are so many emotions — longing, guilt, etc.
Having worked in childcare centers I can honestly tell you that children do get over the crying quickly (short memory spans!)but it's very hard on parents because they are left with that image for the entire day.
Starting daycare is SO HARD. I don't think you can understand it until you do it. I totally sobbed as my husband and I got into the car on that first day. Giving your child to someone else's care is such a leap.
Although, in fairness, once my child was settled in it was great. But it was a rough adjustment all the same.
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December 28, 2009 at 5:49 am
I can’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been!
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December 28, 2009 at 5:49 am
Wow does that sound familiar! Dropping my kids off at daycare for the first time was one of the hardest things (that no one told) that I ever did.
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December 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm
That is exactly how it was for me. You were so candid. I have tears running down my face because I too remember it all so well. The sweet potato puffs are what really, really got me.
This is exactly why I worked my behind off to be where I am today. So my babies are not in daycare all day without me. After a short 3 month stay I was able to pack up all of my son’s many belongings, like you mentioned, and put them back into the trunk, and put them back in the house where they belonged. Now he can look at his actual mommy and daddy most of the day rather than a picture on his cubby.
Thanks Heather!
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