I have been really struggling the last few months with my 20 month-old daughter. I have not blogged about it since I have been unable to find the right words and quite frankly, I’m still trying to strike a balance between sharing my experience and staying somewhat private at the same time especially since it directly relates to her health – so I know I will find the right space in due time.
But I would like to share a few words with some people in public (and some directly in my life) that seem to have it all figured out. They are so quick to judge me and my daughter and to them I need to say:
When I’m at the doctor’s office, leave your snarky behavior at the door. I can’t stand the looks given to us from the adults without children as well as some of the receptionists. My little girl tries her best to be “good” in a space that is simply not made for children so cut us a break. We’re doing the best damn job we can.
When I’m at the store and my daughter is screaming please don’t glare at me like I am not doing enough, like I am some kind of “bad” mother. Don’t stare at me as if I have “no control” over my child. Instead of giving me such nasty looks offer me a smile or perhaps a few words of encouragement. Obviously, I am really struggling in the situation so your glares and stares are just adding to the drama.
When I’m out in public and my daughter throws a tantrum with full body movements that lasts for minutes don’t act like you’ve never been there before. Don’t look at me like I am a freak and my child is even more freakish. Don’t stop and stare and don’t judge me OR her. It wasn’t that long ago when you walked down that same road so just because your child is a teenager now don’t act like you haven’t been right where I am.
When I’m in your company and especially if I meet you for the first time, please don’t offer me advice when I don’t ask for it unless you are my own mother. I don’t care that your “picky eater” suddenly began to eat certain foods because of some miracle that you tried. Don’t act like you know the magic bullet that will help my kid or that your “advice” will automatically work just because you reached success with it. What worked for your child does not necessarily mean it will work for mine because motherhood is NOT one size fits all.
And although I used to enjoy conversing with other moms about the challenges of motherhood, the kind of attitude I have been getting lately feels more judgemental than supportive so I refuse to continue any kind of dialogue with these women. And I chose to publish this post because I know there are tons of other Theta Moms reading this right now who have experienced these SAME conversations with THOSE moms. This is exactly why I love my blog so much because I know that YOU get it.
The bottom line is that I am trying to cope the only way I know how on so many levels. This has been a part of motherhood I never knew existed nor experienced up until now.
So unless you’ve walked at least five minutes in my shoes don’t pass judgment on me or my daughter – because we are doing the best damn job we can right now.