My guest blogger today is Robin, author of the blog Farewell Stranger. She is sharing her experience with us today about the power of brutal honesty in blogging – that sometimes, you will find an outpouring of support when opening up about your own struggles. She points out that of course bloggers have their own comfort level when it comes to personal sharing and should be used at their own discretion, but she also provides the benefits of where this kind of sharing may lead – to a community of support.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato
It’s true, isn’t it? We all struggle with something, whether big or small. Illness. Loss of a loved one. Even the ever-present thought that we’re not as smart/pretty/skinny as everyone else. The good thing with struggles is that they make great blog material.
The thought of sharing your innermost insecurities might make you want to shut down your computer and run away screaming. You might fear people will judge you. Or, “that’s not what my blog is about,” you might say.
I’ll tell you one thing from personal experience: sharing YOU is a good thing.
It can be cathartic. Empowering. Healing. It can help you feel less alone. For your readers, it can be reassuring to know they’re not the only ones who struggle. It can help them get to know you better. That’s not to suggest you should turn your blog into a gossip site with yourself as the target. I’m just talking about honesty. Brutal honesty.
I sat down on January 1st of this year and set up a blog. I wasn’t sure where I was going with it, but postpartum depression was slowly killing me and I needed to get it out. I needed to write it out. I didn’t really think about who would read it – I actually thought no one I knew would. But if you read my very first post you’ll see that my boss found my blog before I had even posted something. So much for that theory.
It didn’t matter. I wrote anyway, as though no one were reading it. And I do that still. We talk about authenticity in blogging and how important it is, and I believe that completely. Having said that, I will acknowledge that, yes, you can be your real self without sharing everything. We all hold something back, because it’s too intimate or because we’re not ready to share or whatever. And that’s totally okay. I do that too.
But I’ve also written about things I thought would never make an appearance on my blog. The posts I was most nervous about publishing were the two in which I wrote about my experience with postpartum rage. Those posts included two incredibly personal admissions – the kind of posts I never thought I would share. Ever.
But I finally decided I needed to – not for me, but for others. So I wrote, bawling, and then hit publish. And held my breath. As it turns out, those are the posts that have allowed me to connect most with other people. I got so much support, and I heard from others who have been there too – everything from “thank you for writing that” to “I thought I was the only one and that I was the worst person in the world”. (I know, I did too.)
I’ve also seen many people tell their hard stuff and get so much support in return. I think doing this sort of thing – to whatever extent you’re comfortable – is a great thing to do and can have a huge impact on blogging success (however you define it). I’m not saying you have to spill all your secrets or focus a lot on your personal story if that’s not what your blog is about. Just think about what you could share that will give you a personal connection with someone else. It might help you, and there’s a good chance it will help someone else.
After all, with all the benefits of blogging, isn’t “thank you” one of the best?
Interested in guest posting at Theta Mom® for the Network? I am currently accepting submissions. Full details can be found on the Network page.
Twitter: notmommyofyear
says:
Yes. Thank you is one of the best parts of blogging. Also right up there are the “ME TOO!” ones that make you feel like somewhere out there in the universe other people get it too. Sometimes by helping others, it really helps us. I’m so glad you found the support you were looking for!
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I love “me too!” as well. That was such a relief to me when I started blogging.
Twitter: tatterscoops
says:
This is oh so very true for me. Thank you for this empowering post. When I opened up about my divorce, about the struggle…people supports brought me to tears. Those who were in my shoes gave me hope to see the lights when there seems to be none. Then later to get emails from others saying my posts relates to them is so amazing. It push me to return the supports I got.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
That’s is exactly. You totally nailed it.
Twitter: efloraross
says:
Wow! Big week of guest posts for you!
To me, the supportive aspect of blogging is the best part. I don’t care about stats and comments, as long as I can make some meaningful connections.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Exactly. Those are worth so much to me – way more than numbers.
Twitter: fourplusanangel
says:
Brutal honesty is my absolute most favorite thing that I have found through blogging. The outpouring of support I have received after sharing my feelings on my blog is something that I could not find anywhere else. Could not agree with this post more.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thanks again for this comment, Jessica. I know you know what I’m talking about.
Twitter: GalitBreen
says:
Great post Robin! And I know, for sure, that you so live this! XO
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thank you, Galit. That means a lot! xo
Twitter: mypajamadays
says:
Big sigh of relief here – I just wrote the most honest post on my own blog this week and held my breath, waiting, wondering how many people I would offend or friends I might lose. But what I discovered was support, encouragement and understanding. It was the most forgiveness I had ever felt. I too started my blog because I needed to – these four walls were closing in on me at a rapid speed – and now I write because I wanted to. It has helped me see more beauty in my life and put the ugly away. I can’t wait to read more of your work. Thank you so much for being you.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Came to visit you, and that’s an amazing post. I can imagine how hard it was to publish it. So glad you’re feeling good about having done that.
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
says:
People surprise me continuously. The posts that were the hardest to write, to publish, were the ones that people related most to. The ones where people go, oh my gosh, thank you for writing that. So yes, honesty to the extent to which you are comfortable, is great for blogging. And your soul.
Great to see you all over the blogosphere Robin!!
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thanks, Alison! You’re absolutely right.
Twitter: angelaamman
says:
This is absolutely true, and it is something I struggle with. While I KNOW I should be able to write like no one is reading, there are people that read my blog that would not understand and would cause conflict in real life (like my mother-in-law, without getting into details.) However, that is MY issue, because I started my blog as something for my family, and now can’t exactly kick them off of it
I think in the last year, I have found more balance and authenticity, and I am very honest about my present but sometimes hold things back about the past, if that makes sense.
Thanks for writing this; I think about it a lot, actually.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I suspect a lot of people have that problem – they started it for family and now want to move well past that. I know exactly what you mean. And I can just imagine how MIL problems might be tricky!
Twitter: spitupchronicle
says:
I completely agree. I have found the posts where I open up are the posts that are most popular. People love to be able to relate to what they are reading. Its definitely helped me open up more and write more heartfelt posts.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
It’s so nice to get that reassurance, I know! Glad you’ve found that too.
Twitter: practicalmom
says:
Great post. I have found that opening up about my infertility and miscarriages has really been met with great support. It’s nice to have a place to just really unload when needed.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
For sure. It’s a certain kind of support you just can’t find elsewhere.
Twitter: OldTweener
says:
Oh Robin, this is perfect! Just what I needed to read this morning.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I’m so glad, Sherri. That makes me happy.
Twitter: DHousemommy
says:
Great dose of perspective here. I can never predict to which of my posts my readers will respond most strongly. I am often surprised. That’s part of the fun of it, no?
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
It is! Definitely.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thank you, Heather, for having me here today! So glad to have an opportunity to discuss something that’s important to me.
Twitter: anoptimisticmom
says:
This is such a timely post for me. I have been trying to open up more to my readers. Although, I write a lot of post in which I use humor, I have incorporated some more serious posts related to my life. I did receive a lot of response and many people commented they needed to read what I wrote. So I do think sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves and our readers about the real person behind the blog.
Thanks for the confirmation this morning and I can’t wait to check out your blog.
PS: Yes, I love the benefits of “thank you”.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I totally agree, and I think it’s possible to have a balance of your normal style and your more serious stuff.
Twitter: trammisms
says:
I have done some “brutal blogging” myself, and could not agree more. The cathartic relief it gave me was nothing compared to the joy in my heart from hearing a thank you from another blogger.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
The first time I got a “thank you” response I actually cried. It’s so powerful.
Twitter: grumpygrateful
says:
I appreciated your post! I think putting yourself out there is hard! It’s intimidating for me, but people have only been supportive. And I love that there’s almost always someone who can relate.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
So true – there is always someone else who can relate. We’ve never alone.
Thanks, Robin. Great post. You are so right that brutal honesty is a hard and scary thing to share. And that there’s a balance – you have to keep some things to yourself too. What you’ve said today is thoughtprovoking – I have some things I’d like to write about, but am scared. Maybe it’s time to take the plunge to some degree.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I’m glad to have given you something to think about. I’ve found there’s always a way to write about the parts we’re ready to, even if we don’t give all the details.
Twitter: carribrown
says:
This is so so true. I’ve found that I can write the funny, snarky stuff all day long with ease, but when I really pour my heart out, I get such great support from other women. I’m so glad that you found blogging when you really needed it most. I wish I’d found blogging during my struggle with PPD/A because I think it really would have helped me.
Now you’re able to read back on those entries and see how far you’ve come!!
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
And it amazes me to be able to do that! I’m so glad I had this outlet – it definitely helped me.
Twitter: MultitaskMumma
says:
ROBIN!
I’m so excited to see you here!
Congratulations what a wonderful post!
I agree that we should all write from our hearts and sometimes out of our comfort zone.
You always do a great job my friend.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thank you, lovely. I so appreciate that.
Twitter: MrsMommyMatters
says:
So, so true. I think the blogs that I enjoy the most and visit the most often, are the ones where the writer isn’t afraid to be honest. The “my life is so perfect” and “I’m so happy all the time” kind of blogs annoy me because they are fake. We all have ups and downs, and it’s refreshing to be with someone (through their writing) through the hard times.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I always appreciate that little insight too. Big or small, those details help us connect with the person on the other end of the blog.
Twitter: HStayingAfloat
says:
Robin,
Congrats on all of your guest posting this week! LOVE IT!!!
In my short time blogging I’ve definitely discovered the amazing support within the blogging community. It gives me a sense of safety and makes me feel it’s okay to open up about the things that I’ve only told my husband.
YES! Thank you is amazing to hear!
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thank you so much! I’m so glad you’ve had that support as well.
Twitter: mamatrack
says:
Great post, Robin. Being honest is what it’s all about. Otherwise, what’s the point? And you are one of the most honest bloggers I know.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thank you so much, Natalie. That’s a big compliment.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
says:
This is very true. When I really open up on my blog I get the best responses and support from people. It really helps confirm that feeling that you are not alone.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Absolutely. And that’s such a valuable thing.
Twitter: Wuakah
says:
I love this post! I agree about authenticity and having some degree of transparency in writing. Some of my most powerful blog posts were the ones in which I was most transparent and wrote from experience. It’s not always easy to do, and I agree that there are some parts of us that we should not post on the world wide web. Even still, I’m encouraged to keep looking for opportunities to share.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented on this blog, even though I’ve been following it for a year. I found it when I was dealing with my own postpartum depression and it motivated me to write more.
I’m rambling so I’ll stop here. Robin, I’m looking forward to reading your posts.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
Thanks, Sheridan! Looking forward to visiting you on your blog, as well.
Twitter: MamasMonologues
says:
This is so true. Some of my posts that I’ve been the most hesitant about are the ones that I’ve received an outpouring of support from. The thank-you’s and me-too’s are amazing. It makes me feel less alone and like I have a virtual support system.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
So nice to have that reassurance, isn’t it? And you do have a virtual support system, including me!
Twitter: adayinmollywood
says:
Hi Robin (and Heather!),
First of all, thanks for visiting my blog! Second of all, I appreciate your thoughts on this subject so much. Recently I wrote the most brutally honest post about my experiences at a blogging conference that I have ever written in my 5 years of blogging. That day was also the day I had the most hits to my blog EVER. I was so afraid to hit publish on that post. But I know now that it was worth it. I also received numerous emails letting me know that I was not alone. That they also struggle with depression and they were so relieved when someone opened up.
I am so sorry for your struggle and for my own as well (ugh). But I also think that our struggles need a voice. We need to be heard. We never know how sharing will help someone else. But I think it does. It really does.
Twitter: teamrasler
says:
I find this so incredibly hard to do, since pretty much the only people who read my blog (so far) are people who know me in real life. It makes a huge range of topics feel either off-limits or uncomfortable. But, I think it’s true that the raw honesty we bring to a topic is what often makes our writing compelling and people feel connected with us. I’ll try to remember that whenever I hold my breath as I hit “publish”!
Twitter: thekircorner
says:
wow, what a fantastic post, what a wonderful way to look at this connection we have with one another. I have recently started to hit publish a lot more when I write about things that might be hard for others to read, but getting them out of me, those ideas, those feelings, is SO good for me. It helps me to let go, to be better and do better.
I believe that it’s always in our best interest to try to share the good and bad with one another and move on from it together. I can’t think of a better place to lay my troubles down than here in this community of women I admire and respect.
Twitter: thepennyhoarder
says:
I think honest bloggers make the best kind. The stories are always the most interesting, the most heartfelt, and the most relatable. Weirdly, it seems to be beneficial for the blogger too. I always feel better when I get something off my chest on my blog. It’s anonymous place for me to vent and share emotion.t
Perfectly put, Robin! My blog is MY space and MY words, why would I sugar coat or lie? I’m writing about MY life, MY feelings, sharing MY story. The feedback and the connections and the validation I gain from MY readers is why I do this! Your comments, in particular always make my day.